My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

By nicolas.himself

Hello, I’m Nicolás Hagen. I’m 22, an artist, photographer, and cancer survivor. Soon, I’ve just released my fully Polaroid photography book, Reason for Visit. I was diagnosed with stage 3B testicular cancer December 21st, 2018. Scariest day of my life. This book is basically a journal of all that I went through.

That being: surgery, chemotherapy, a ton of emotional ups and downs, then just life in general. I would compulsively add everything I felt and thought to my Notes App. Writing everything down was just a way to release these feelings, it wasn’t my intention to make a book when I started taking notes. It’s cool to look back and see what I was thinking at the time, then looking at how I translated this into my book.

Back before I was diagnosed I would post pretty casually to Instagram. The art form of photography was something that had the majority of my attention. Even back then, photography was a great release for me. At the time, I had way too many ideas for photography books but nothing was really sticking. It wasn’t until cancer that I gained a real focus in photography. So for a while nobody knew what was going on. I wanted to share the big news online but wasn’t really sure how. That’s when it hit me, I felt that I should go about all of this without hesitation.

So I sprung up, got my camera and shot whatever I was feeling. No premeditated ideas or poses, just my camera and my feelings because that’s what cancer did to me. It didn’t warn me, it just happened instantaneously; then everything changed. Which is similar to Polaroids.

Instant photography can be messy and filled with imperfections. It was also convenient, being that it was really difficult for me to get up to develop photos. With my Polaroid, I could feel something, think of a way to capture that, and shoot it all in the same day. Sharing how I was feeling with the world was therapeutic. Because of cancer, I got to inspire others, answer questions, and be a voice in this huge community online. So because of the immense darkness I was put through, I found so much love. I was shown a new way to look at life. I lost a testicle but gained a new pair of eyes.

Now I get to share the big picture. This is my first official project that I’m releasing to the public and I’m really happy with how it came out. Everything that went into this book was done so with intention, I’m hoping the hard work shows. Check out my other work on Instagram @nicolas.himself – my book is available here

Thank you.

Share this post:

Find more similar content on 35mmc

Use the tags below to search for more posts on related topics:

Contribute to 35mmc for an ad-free experience.

There are two ways to contribute to 35mmc and experience it without the adverts:

Paid Subscription – £2.99 per month and you’ll never see an advert again! (Free 3-day trial).

Subscribe here.

Content contributor – become a part of the world’s biggest film and alternative photography community blog. All our Contributors have an ad-free experience for life.

Sign up here.

About The Author

By nicolas.himself
Artist, photographer, cancer survivor. I’m 22 and shoot photos whenever possible.
View Profile

Comments

Chris Pattison on My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

Comment posted: 22/08/2019

The power of an instant camera in the hands of a courageous artist is something to behold.
Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

nicolas.himself replied:

Comment posted: 22/08/2019

Thank you so much for saying that.

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

David on My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

Comment posted: 12/08/2019

Well done for coping as well as you have and kudos for documenting the entire experience. From personal experience, I believe you will find that as you get older, you will forget more and more about what you have been through. As the regular check-ups take place at longer and longer intervals, it is easy to become complacent and simply forget what happened. Use your interest in photography to keep track of what you have been through and what is yet to come. Live life to the full and try not to waste your time. Your time is far too precious and there are so many wonderful things that can be captured as images. Note to myself: remember to date and add notes to my contact sheets so that my family and friends can make sense of what I did with a camera when I am no longer there to tell them.
Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

nicolas.himself replied:

Comment posted: 12/08/2019

I hope so! The new normal, life after cancer, has been full of every emotion I can think of. Thank you so much. You’re right, you’re so right! I love life, despite everything. If I can quote myself from my own book “I love life and when I don’t, I love the attitude I carry through it.” Thanks for the kind words. Also good note to self, it’s beautiful to want to share even after we’re gone.

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Jonathan Hodder on My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

Comment posted: 11/08/2019

Great series. Wishing you the best of luck for many more projects for many more years to come.
Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

nicolas.himself replied:

Comment posted: 11/08/2019

Thank you so much, I have so many more ideas I gotta execute.

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Keith Tomlinson on My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

Comment posted: 11/08/2019

Brilliant. All the best
Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Huss on My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

Comment posted: 10/08/2019

I wish you the best of everything.
Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

nicolas.himself replied:

Comment posted: 10/08/2019

Thank you! Much love

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Taffy on My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

Comment posted: 09/08/2019

Wishing you the best Nicolas. Cheering you on as a survivor and an artist. My mother is a cancer survivor too and I'm going to show her this post of yours to uplift her with your story. We just made it to a small milestone lately and I found the guts to write something about it here: https://medium.com/@taffyledesma/lessons-cancer-taught-me-a-sons-reflections-on-his-mother-s-disease-da7033410a0

Thanks for this work of yours. It is a reminder that we are much greater than we often think we are.
Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

nicolas.himself replied:

Comment posted: 09/08/2019

Thank you! You’re so right. Send love and my hopes for a life full of health to you/your mom! I’ll check that out

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Marco Milani on My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

Comment posted: 09/08/2019

Thank you Nicolás for sharing this article. I am very curious about your work. Good luck for all your future projects.
Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

nicolas.himself replied:

Comment posted: 09/08/2019

Thanks! I have much more planned for the future

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Dan Castelli on My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

Comment posted: 09/08/2019

Cancer sucks. I’ve been the designated driver for too many of my family as they go through chemo.
To turn your blackest moments into a document that elevates photography to art is courageous. I hope I’d have the presence of mind to do what you did if faced with the same prognosis.
Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

nicolas.himself replied:

Comment posted: 09/08/2019

Thanks for doing what you do. It just felt right to me, like I had a purpose.

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Kodachromeguy replied:

Comment posted: 09/08/2019

Wow, Nicholas, this is a moving story, and you are courageous to document your treatment and daily difficulties. Good for you, you are brave. I'm optimistic that you will pull through. Best of luck to you and your family.

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

James on My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

Comment posted: 08/08/2019

Your work is so inspiring! It is so good to see, how you took your fate and turned your darkest thoughts and moments and changed them into something good and powerful. My wife had to go through a similar situation when she got the diagnosis of breast cancer, so I know a little about the things that happen and the thoughts that are going on in constant repeat. She is technically speaken recovered by now, but it made an impact on all of us. I wish you ongoing strength and am sure, that your work will not only help you but many people sharing such experiences. All the best from Germany!
Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

nicolas.himself replied:

Comment posted: 08/08/2019

Thank you so much! Glad I could inspire, it means a lot to even be able to do that. I’m hoping nothing but the best for you and your wife.

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Marc Proste on My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

Comment posted: 08/08/2019

Wow. You just changed my day.
Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

nicolas.himself replied:

Comment posted: 08/08/2019

❤️

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Naranjilla on My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

Comment posted: 08/08/2019

What a tough experience to go through, and so - relatively - young to be dealing with life-changing illness. So pleased that you found a way to create your way through the challenges (though I'm sure it was far from easy most days of the week). The images are fantastic and the story inspirational. You deserve much success. I wish you the best in consolidating your recovery and living a fulfilling, creative life hereafter.
Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

nicolas.himself replied:

Comment posted: 08/08/2019

You’re so sweet, I’m flattered. Thanks for saying all that.

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

thorsten on My “Reason for Visit,” stage 3B cancer – By Nicolás Hagen

Comment posted: 08/08/2019

Love and hugs from Berlin. Great how you you took this thing and turned it into a positive process with an amazing product in the end, very inspiring.
Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

nicolas.himself replied:

Comment posted: 08/08/2019

So much love back to you.

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *