Photo-Philosophy

My Photography is STILL Better Than Yours – by Anil Mistry

My images are sharper than yours.
I acknowledge that your pictures are always crisply in focus,
But my images are so sharp that they can cut your cornea if you look at them at 400% magnification on a laptop.
My images are sharper than yours.

My lens is faster than yours.
Your 50mm 1.2 is speedy, and can extract detail from a scene on a gloomy day
But my 85mm 0.1 is so fast that if you stand close to the front element you can HEAR the photons being sucked in, allowing me to take close-up test shots of flowers in the middle of the night.
My lens is faster than yours.

My opinions on photography are more valid than yours.
Yes, I’ve read your blog musings and seen your mildly heated Twitter exchanges
But I have espoused my views on – and even been banned from- numerous Facebook groups, which makes me a hands-down authority. Looking down at you from this height, I pity you.
My opinions on photography are more valid than yours.

My photo of a tree is more important than yours.
Your tree was photographed in a public park in Nuneaton
But my tree was captured on an untouched hilltop in Guatemala, and it’s somehow more magical as a result.
My photo of a tree is more important than yours.

My lens is more radioactive than yours.
Yes, your lens has a yellow sheen, signifying its above average radioactive emission
But my lens has a yellow GLOW, because it was forged in the mines of Mordor, and I’ll never be able to use it. I’m even on a government watchlist. So there.
My lens is more radioactive then yours.

My strap is more exclusive than yours.
Granted, your hand-braided vegetable dyed reindeer leather strap looks great on your K1000,
But the strap on my Leica is constructed from the silk of spiders only found in Wetzlar, interwoven into a thin glossy black rope that really pops against a rough wooden background in my Instagram pics.
My strap is more exclusive than yours.

My Bokeh is swirlier than yours.
Your bokeh has good swirl, like a carnival of trippy coloured discs
But my bokeh has baroque intertwined swirls from another dimension- and if you look at them for long enough you can see God.
My bokeh is swirlier than yours.

My camera collection is bigger than yours.
Your collection does look good in the specially made glass cases in your conservatory
But my camera collection is so large that I keep it in offsite storage, and I’ll never be able to use all of them in my lifetime.
My camera collection is bigger than yours.

My lens has more 3D pop  than yours.
Your lens has a good amount of 3D pop, that’s for sure. I’ve seen your test shots.
But my lens has pop that enters into the 4th dimension, creating a level of clarity that you- or I for that matter, will never see. But I know it’s there and that’s what matters.
My lens has more 3D pop than yours.

My blurry Polaroids are more magical than yours.
Your blurring does have an indistinct dreamy quality, I’ll give you that.
But my Polaroids have such an indefinable, ethereal othernessto their blurring that even the Germans don’t have a word to describe . And I have hundredsof them.
My blurry Polaroids are more magical than yours.

My photography is still better than yours.
You have been taking pictures for a few years and yes, I’ve seen your work improve,
But I’m older than you, so I’ll always be better. You may as well give up.
My photography is still better than yours.

By ANIL MISTRY

Anil Mistry is a creative director and photographer. You can find him here:
Website: www.Anilmistryphoto.com
Instagram: @anilmistryphoto
Twitter: @anilmistry

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28 Comments

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Steve
    December 8, 2018 at 8:35 am

    The is the first photography poem I have ever read, and I love it!

  • Avatar
    Reply
    jeremy north
    December 8, 2018 at 8:49 am

    I remember well part one of this series (I hope it’s a series). Excellent yet again Anil.

    I really like your sharp images especially the one of your Contax with the fancy strap sitting on the old wooden table 😉

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Dave Donnelly
    December 8, 2018 at 8:49 am

    Great article , made me smile and think of certain camera clubs , but you forgot my Full-Frame heavy DSLR is better than your small innovative mirrorless….

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Chris S.
    December 8, 2018 at 8:53 am

    No, mine is better.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Martin Siegel
    December 8, 2018 at 8:55 am

    My articles are funnier than your.
    I admit your articles have a witty, satirical quality, I have read them.
    But my articles, which I’m gonna write soon, will not only witty be but will also have a depth that’s gonna make you wet your pants laughing a week or month later when they will come back from your unconscious and you suddenly get the depth of the wit (DOW) that’s hidden deep inside.
    My articles will be funnier than yours.

    But I beg you, <>

    • Avatar
      Reply
      Martin Siegel
      December 10, 2018 at 1:42 pm

      Last sentence should have read:
      But I beg you, go on until mine are out.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Dale Willetts
    December 8, 2018 at 9:21 am

    This made my day. It speaks about a certain type of photographer (person) that is all too common on the Internet and in certain “genres” of photography. Thank you 😁

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Achim Fischer
    December 8, 2018 at 11:15 am

    Where can I order that strap which is constructed from the silk of spiders only found in Wetzlar? I would pay a fortune for that 🤑

    BTW: Obviously my photography is better than yours because I’m even older than you.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Larry Bosch
    December 8, 2018 at 11:23 am

    This is why I never joined an old fart camera club. Such a toxic environment.
    And just as bad are all those IG lifestyle/ influencers/models/photographers. God I hate it all. To each their own, but I get the whole Vivian Maier situation now and why she never developed any of her work. She was probably also surrounded by douchebags of some sort (she didn’t trust men) & wanted no part of it.

    My photography is way better than no one’s, I know that. I won’t have books with my name on it or be in galleries or be amongst the trendy and popular accounts on social media, but I will enjoy my time outside with my camera, shooting some film and doing it because it’s one of the only things I know (other than music) that silences the noise in my head.
    It’s probably not the place to post this kinda stuff under such a great work of poetry, but thanks for the chuckle…

    • Avatar
      Reply
      Charlie
      January 3, 2019 at 1:25 pm

      ” it’s one of the only things I know (other than music) that silences the noise in my head.”
      Larry, I know exactly what you mean

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Dominique Pierre-Nina
    December 8, 2018 at 11:40 am

    I think photography is out of control..

    • Avatar
      Reply
      Nick Lyle
      December 8, 2018 at 4:10 pm

      Tell me which things are not out of control.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Karl Strohmeier
    December 8, 2018 at 12:21 pm

    I’m not worthy.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    jim rose
    December 8, 2018 at 1:41 pm

    My photography brings all the boys to the yard and they’re like it’s better than yours. Damn right, It’s better than yours. I can teach you, but I have to charge.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    JamesW
    December 8, 2018 at 1:41 pm

    My ultra large format camera is better than your cameras – any of them. (Of course I only take one image every blue moon when when the stars align to form the name Ansel, but that’s neither here nor there.) Great post, only relevant because unfortunately parts of it are so true (of all of us at some point – gulp, was I ever such an ignoramus?) Thanks for posting.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Peter Barker
    December 8, 2018 at 1:45 pm

    Very funny, Anil. Great. Though – which of us can say we have never had entirely groundless fantasies of superiority in some walk of life, eh?

  • Avatar
    Reply
    David Hill
    December 8, 2018 at 3:30 pm

    Still? I’ve had such hopes. “I’m older so my photography will always be better”? The only way to beat that is if I live longer, but that means he has to be *dead* first, which tips us into the corollary maxim: “dead photographers are always better than living photographers”. Its a no-win situation, unless.. It’s good I’m not suicidal, because this would push me over the edge.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Flavio Colker
    December 8, 2018 at 4:05 pm

    My GAS is so intense and focused i just bought the entire Leica plant in Wetzlar where i will move in.. My wife stays though.

    • Avatar
      Reply
      Martin Siegel
      December 10, 2018 at 1:46 pm

      Sometimes you have to make sacrifices, Flavio.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Graham Line
    December 8, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    Have a friend whose hobby consists of photographing his camera collection and circulating the photos on flickr and Facebook.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Preston Anderson
    December 8, 2018 at 10:36 pm

    “- and if you look at them for long enough you can see God.”
    Love the follow up to the first part, amusing as always, great job again

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Kodachromeguy
    December 9, 2018 at 5:11 am

    No, wrong, wrong, wrong. My photography is infinitely superior because I discarded all of that primitive, smelly, low megapixel, low dynamic range, 20th century film junk. I use a monstrous uber-megapixel super-sophisticated computerized DSLR with a battery pack large enough to power the International Space Station and shoot (not photograph, shoot) with a protruding penile kit zoom lens that is so sharp, I can see every perfectly sharp pixel of that brick wall that I always shoot. And for a weekend, I take 10^4 perfectly sharp and digital-color perfect pictures and process them with my secret formula via my “workflow” and then automatically upload all of them to my flickr and instagram accounts, and wait for the “likes” and accolades to roll in. And the other digital button-pushers on Dpreview agree with me, so there, it must be true.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    George Appletree
    December 9, 2018 at 9:36 am

    That’s all true, but my frustration is much worst than yours

  • Dan Castelli
    Reply
    Dan Castelli
    December 9, 2018 at 8:05 pm

    Today, I find myself in a too cynical mood to make any type of statement. I will instead, polish a lens with a lens cloth made from the remnants of a silk robe of an unknown 13th century Keltic princess.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Graham Orbell
    December 9, 2018 at 8:08 pm

    Anil, I’ve looked at your portfolio and I agree. Your photos are way better than mine.

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Arthur Fangou
    December 9, 2018 at 9:54 pm

    This one is about 98.7% of Leica shooters innit…

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Liedewij Rombouts
    December 21, 2018 at 4:01 pm

    Leica racialism …
    I almost never come across posts on fora from Leica shooters feeling better than non-Leica shooters.
    I only read things from frustrated people … basically something like this: “I can’t afford a Leica, that’s why I hate people shooting Leica …”.
    Poor world …

  • Avatar
    Reply
    Bernt
    January 9, 2019 at 8:07 am

    Haha! Spot on! Keep it up! 🙂

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