Photo-Philosophy Uncategorized

My photography is better than yours – By Anil Mistry

My bokeh is smoother than yours.
Your bokeh may be buttery,
But my bokeh is like refined and clarified butter.
My bokeh is like the finest Ghee.
My bokeh is smoother than yours.

My inverted Puddle reflection shot is better than yours.
Mine features pigeons in the background,
Alongside a new york taxi –
And a cool lady with an umbrella.
My inverted Puddle reflection shot is better than yours.

My lens is sharper than yours.
Even at a large aperture,
My edge-to-edge sharpness
Goes beyond the edge and around the other side.
My lens is sharper than yours.

My camera bag is better than yours.
It is made from old lorry tarpaulin,
It can transform into a rucksack (and a tent)
And it takes pictures of itself and sends them to Japan Camera Hunter.
My camera bag is better than yours.

My camera is rarer than yours
My camera was made in small batches-
From Belgian adamantium-
By unknown female WWII SS agents (it says so on the engraving).
My camera is rarer than yours

My picture of a wrinkled old Asian woman is better than yours.
Yours is aged and wise,
But mine is aged, wise, and with a world-weariness that only she can portray-
And she’s missing more teeth, too.
My picture of a wrinkled old Asian woman is better than yours

My artistic nude is better than yours.
Granted, yours has a slightly edgy tattoo of some sort of skull on her shoulder,
But mine has larger breasts.
Plus she’s standing in a clearing near where I parked, looking all lost and stuff.
My artistic nude is better than yours.

My film is grainier than yours.
Your shots of a shed have a grainy raw feel,
Yet they don’t come close to the super heavy grain I’ve captured.
It makes my shot of a homeless guy look really gritty with an urban patina.
My film is grainier than yours.

My sunset shot is superior to yours.
Your Tokyo sunset does cast lovely shadows across the city
But my Croydon sunset has a silhouette of an old lady in it,
Sort of symbolizing the sun setting on her life and stuff.
My sunset shot is superior to yours.

My picture of poor but happy foreign kids is more real than yours
Your foreign kids are standing still and smiling,
But my foreign kids are running behind my taxi and laughing despite their poverty!
And I didn’t have to pay them much to do it.
My picture of poor but happy foreign kids is more real than yours.

My photography is better than yours.
Your photography is not bad,
But my photography gets more likes- I’ve counted them.
All from total strangers on social media. STRANGERS!
My photography is better than yours.

 

Anil Mistry is a creative director and photographer.
Find more content written for 35mmc here
Visit his website
Connect with him on Instagram
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22 Comments

  • Reply
    John F
    February 17, 2018 at 8:58 am

    Brilliant !!
    A wonderful summary of things we’ve often thought but never have had the courage to say…

  • Reply
    George Appletree
    February 17, 2018 at 9:15 am

    Yes, childish reactions are quite common. And “I am right, you are wrong” is by other side a universal way of reasoning.

  • Reply
    Tadeusz Bodziony
    February 17, 2018 at 11:13 am

    Brilliant. The sad side of the times we live in. Times way too comfortable for many.

  • Reply
    Callum
    February 17, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    As an English student I enjoyed this very much. Stanza 5 made me think of all those horrible gold Zorkis you see being sold as ‘Kriegsmarine Leica’. I love the lines about bokeh and sharpness especially: ‘My edge-to-edge sharpness \ Goes beyond the edge and around the other side.’ Fantastic.

  • Reply
    Olli Thomson
    February 17, 2018 at 3:51 pm

    Brilliant. (That was my whole comment, but apparently it was too short for the comment system.)

  • Dan Castelli
    Reply
    Dan Castelli
    February 17, 2018 at 4:00 pm

    You win! You may have my hand-ground 50mm f3.5 Elmer ( sand mined from secret WEtzlar quarry) supervised by Oskar’s nanny’s son in 1935.

  • Reply
    Chris Pattison
    February 17, 2018 at 4:26 pm

    Ha! Ha! Love it. I salute you!

  • Reply
    Dan James
    February 17, 2018 at 6:27 pm

    Very unusual contribution to 35mmc Anil, and virtually every verse made me smile. Photographers are often far too serious and focused on the wrong things, rather than just getting out and enjoying whatever cameras we love using most…

  • Reply
    ShutterFlyTape
    February 17, 2018 at 7:10 pm

    It doesn’t even rhyme. That’s lazy writing.

    • Reply
      Hamish Gill
      February 17, 2018 at 8:03 pm

      Ha, I’m not sure if this comment is meant ironically

      • Reply
        Daniel Fjäll
        February 18, 2018 at 12:52 pm

        “My inverted Puddle reflection shot is better than yours..”

        What’s wrong with inverted puddle reflections? Darn..!

  • Reply
    Phil
    February 17, 2018 at 8:18 pm

    Oh that’s hilarious! We should all start a Patreon for Anil to write a monthly column to keep our feet on the ground.

  • Reply
    Evan Bedford
    February 17, 2018 at 10:26 pm

    Beautiful! Makes me think (again) why, when I scroll through flickr, that some obviously crappy stuff gets dozens of likes, while some really awesome shots (or a series of awesome shots by an obviously talented photographer) gets nothing.

  • Reply
    Joe Y
    February 17, 2018 at 11:38 pm

    I never imagined poetry and photography put together…but now that I’ve seen it I want more! Keep it up!

  • Jeremy
    Reply
    Jeremy
    February 17, 2018 at 11:59 pm

    Love it. Best thing done with poetry probably ever.

  • Reply
    David
    February 18, 2018 at 3:08 am

    It is all about the Ego…

  • Reply
    Ilya Trofimenko
    February 18, 2018 at 7:23 am

    Bravo!
    A great summary!
    That just made my day! 🙂

  • Reply
    Tony Klimas
    February 18, 2018 at 10:35 am

    Love it…the sun setting on her life and stuff…. 🙂

  • Reply
    Ian
    February 18, 2018 at 3:09 pm

    Entertaining, enjoyable, true. A sad reflection on the world we live in. The world is more connected then ever before, people are more disconnected, isolated and somewhat ironically competitive. For recognition by whom?

  • Reply
    Rifki Syahputra
    February 19, 2018 at 12:20 am

    hahaha.. a good one..
    but still my photography is better than yours 😉

  • Reply
    Ken Hindle-May
    February 19, 2018 at 2:22 pm

    I love this! I’m certainly guilty of the inverted puddle shot, but the ‘naked woman looking vulnerable in the woods’ trope really needs to die. At this point, it’s just derivative like-bait.

  • Reply
    Karl Valentin
    February 21, 2018 at 10:26 am

    This is not about photography – it´s about the character of people
    I quit posting at a Leica forum because a few users couldn´t stop bashing others
    and spammed the whole place with their idea of photography
    It´s the lack of tolerance and the stubborn keep of own view that mess up everything
    and probably mankind is not able to grow over it

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